My Kingdom for a Spider

And the Spider Kingdom

I live in a rattle trap 30 year old 1100 square foot house that was built by three fingered blind men. There is a hole in my floor under the woodstove. I think it is about 5” x 8”. It goes directly under the house to the crawl space so named, I believe, because it is crawling with bugs. Layne long ago put insulation in it, and earlier this year I had him board it up under the house and then reinstall the insulation because the kittens were getting under the woodstove and I feared them falling through. Supposedly they “had” to put a hole in the floor when it was built because the house was “too airtight” and “code” demanded a hole in the floor to compensate. This is what they told my very gullible (even to this day) husband and he bought it. I think it is a load of bull and they were too cheap and lazy to do the job right. Anyone else have a hole in their living room floor? I didn’t think so.

Our house also sort of tilts to one side now and then, so our screen doors don’t shut well. The garage door has about a 1” gap all the way around and the lights Layne installed in there draw every living thing from miles around - probably even drug lords since they are so bright that from the outside it looks like a grow operation.  I think the swamp cooler is breeding things. All of this and more leads to many bugs in the house, especially during the summer.

We kill some, catch and release others, the cats take care of some (cheap entertainment) but have basically given up the fight unless they are real bad. This is where our spiders come in. I usually take our daddy long leg spiders outside when I can – I feel no need to kill them, but one day I noticed a bunch of dead bug bodies littering my bathroom countertop. I looked up and sure enough, there was a daddy long leg baby up in the corner. Okay, I thought, this could be a beautiful relationship. So I let her stay. For about two weeks I awoke every morning to clean up the remnants of her evening meals. She eats a lot, this tiny thing, and we didn’t have a ton of bugs flying about at night trying to crawl up our noses. Oh how I loved her!

Last week I went into the bathroom and…no bodies. Uh-oh. Fear gripped me as I cautiously looked up and…no spider! I don’t know where she went or why, she had plenty to eat and I run a mostly chemical free household (although Layne gets a bit heavy on the incense now and again). We charged her no rent and we tried hard to please her - we excel not only in bug numbers, but also variety – and she still just up and deserted us.

It only took a day for the pesky bugs to hear the news and our flying ant bugs that torture us this time of year exploded. Dang. So I began to pray for more spiders. Big mistake. Last Sunday I noticed little bug mummies in the same place again! I was happy until I realized that a baby black widow had moved in behind where we keep our toothbrushes. Shoot. I had to kill her and on a holy day! Nothing depresses me more. But their bites turn poisonous in me and I can’t take chances. Then, as we were leaving for church, I see a new resident DLL camped above the front door. Could it be our same gal who decided to move to a better neighborhood? The meals are much fresher here since this is where most of the bugs come in. A week later and she is still there – her webs are approaching Halloween decoration size and status - but we have had no flying ants to speak of, either. She is welcome - and her construction acumen obviously puts our three fingered blind men to shame.